.

Dumpable Offences in the 1930's...

2010-03-22T10:18:00.005-04:00

Dumpable Offense #1 in my book : Taking any of these rules to heart:

http://pbh3.tumblr.com/post/390543309/1938-dating-guide-for-single-women

(However it does make for one of the most unintentionally hilarious guides ever)

Mommyhood

2010-01-10T08:13:00.002-05:00

Little miss Roxy Alabama, born January 3rd, 2010.

Leg Lust

2009-12-17T11:51:00.005-05:00

I would be purchasing these jeans RIGHT.NOW. if it weren't for the fact that I am:

1.) preggo

2.) unable to try them on because they're online...

3.) fundamentally against spending $387.00 on a pair of jeans.

But you can! Ch-ch-ch-eck em out here.

But if it's something for your girlie pals that you have your heart set on, I don't think I know a woman alive that couldn't make good use of these brilliant Betsey Johnson leggings for $40. Perfect to give punch to a loose black sweater, under ripped jeans, or to add warmth under your holiday mini. Get them for all your ladies (also the new vintage-inspired Anthropologie aprons are a great blanket gift)! And then get booze and PSP games for the boys. There, shopping complete, and everyone's happy.

Aren't you glad you read my blog? I know I am!

Who's been Naughty?

2009-12-17T11:07:00.004-05:00

There are some benefits to being on Santa's naughty list, and one of them is being the lucky recipient of my famous GINGERPANTS! Put the real 'ho, ho, ho' in chrimbo, and in the arms of your pallies with the help of this marvelously easy gingerbread recipe.

Ingredients

1/2 cup margarine
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup molasses ( I like the organic stuff)
1 egg yolk
2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Directions

In a large bowl, cream together the margarine and sugar until smooth. Stir in molasses and egg yolk. Combine the flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves, ginger, and nutmeg; blend into the molasses mixture until smooth. Cover, and chill for at least one hour.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). On a lightly floured surface, roll the dough out to 1/4 inch thickness (if you don't have a roller I use a wine bottle ;). Use a heart cookie cutter for the shape, and then trim off the pointy tip to make a nice round bum. Place cookies 2 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheets.
Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven (I do 8), until firm. Remove from cookie sheets to cool on wire racks.
Ice those suckers with mock-lace, bows, and frills. Also, make SURE you are using icing that will HARDEN, not cake icing. I made this mistake and realized the hard way that there was no way to give the cookies away without destroying the gorgey designs..

Voila. Chrimbo hero = you.

Let's try this again...

2009-11-24T14:59:00.011-05:00

Hallo lovelies.

Only 6 weeks until I pop out a baby, and in the meantime I've been hammering out some custom paintings and shipping them around town to pay for ridiculously awesome diaper bags. Who knew there was a whole world of sexy diaper bags out there? I sure didn't...I assumed the bad, corduroy, spit-stained carry-all was a right of passage into momdom...thus sealing your fate as 'woman with no style' forever more.

Here's the latest painting off the block, inspired by my good pal Bean.

It's a bit tough to see it properly in that pic, but you get the idear...

The request was for a rock and roll chick in a bar, giving off the 'shit am I ever hot' look effortlessly, which is pretty much Bean to a tee. The tattoo is the same tattoo that the person who commissioned the piece has, and various other details are all at her request. Fun...I like doing custom stuff, it keeps people involved with their art, and they get a chance to get a kind of 'wall tattoo' featuring stuff that matters to them.

Plus, momma get paaaaaaaaid.

I know that technically I give birth in 6 weeks, although I must say I don't really believe it, so I spent the weekend organizing the baby closet to try and put myself in the right mental zone. Sifting through newborn nappies, sleepers, bottle warmers, and unknowns made me realize that I really have no idea what's involved in having a baby. I don't know how many things I held up to my boyfriend and went: "what do you think THIS is for?", only to hear: "ummmm.......I honestly have no idea".
And we don't. We have no idea.

I'm sure most mums are all kookoo for baby stuff at this point in their pregnancy, and over all the pregnancy badness, and 'glowing', but the majority of the time I just find the whole process to be quite weird. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely the most excited human, but I don't think anything will be real until I see the little thing. Ultrasounds and kicks are the only things I have to go on to assure me that this isn't just a prolonged bout of bad indigestion. But I most certainly DO appreciate all of the doors being held for me ;)

In the meantime I'm gearing up to be a moms mom, re-learning how to sew with help from The Workroom, trying to eat well (example: breakfast consisted of a Harvey's cheeseburger: EPIC fail), and doing laundry more often than my previous once a month standard. It's so wild...I love working, I neeeeeeeed to work, but when you can't work for a while, you adjust. You find your place, and you either embrace the changes, or you lose your mind.

Things to look forward to:

* my besties being around to watch her grow up, experiment on her, and christen her into a life where nothing can't be solved by coffee, pancakes, and impromptu dance.
* the day when my girl is old enough that I can hold her hand and walk her down the street
* watching my boyfriend feed her spaghetti and lemons
* having a little sleeping human perched next to you for movie nights and hockey games...(much like the cat?)
* fighting over which parts of her face are mine, and which are my boyfriend's
* rock and roll lullabies, first giggles, and the death of modesty

Also, my boyfriend loves the cat, and already loves the baby, and is determined to let them sleep together. Which is half awwwwwwwww, and half ewwwwwwwwww, mais non?

Okay, maybe 75% aww.

Tickled

2009-09-30T07:32:00.005-04:00

I've always been allergic to blushes and have a ton of difficulty finding one I can wear...but this new option from Chantecaille seems like a pretty good candidate.

Their new addition to the line, AquaBlush, is an oil-free water-based blush that forms a barrier between the blush and your skin. The red dyes in blush are usually the allergen that 'cuts' your skin (know that chalky red, splotchy complexion blush sometimes gives you?), but this gel base is meant to counteract that.

Although, it does have SPF 8 *expletives galore*, a huge allergen. Oh well, you can't win 'em all..

My pick for color is 'Charming'...but at $39 US, the price isn't quite so..

Incidentally, how gorgeous is the eyeliner in the first shot? Must learn how to do that for my maternity shoot! Where's Lauren Luke when you need her?

Mantyhose

2009-09-30T06:54:00.003-04:00

I think the 'very cool' part may be questionable. But men in tights, sure. It's Robin Hood revisited!

Jesus Christ. This almost beats everything from the 80's. Can you believe that men, 30 years from now, will be telling their sons about how they used to wear 'mantyhose'?

There's no coming back from that.

Fashion Craft

2009-09-30T06:17:00.006-04:00

Step 1: Get a white TNA or American Apparel crew-neck shirt with shoulder cuffs

Step 2: Buy a buttload of pompoms from a craft store, or delicious catnip-filled cat toys (furry ones)

Step 3: Buy fabric glue

Step 4: Apply the pompoms in a heart pattern. Let dry for 24 hours.

VOILA! You are Glamour Magazine cover perfect!

I cannot guarantee that you a.) will look good, b.) can ever wash this shirt, c.) won't be asked who your homeroom teacher is this year.

Hey, Joe...

2009-09-28T13:20:00.004-04:00

How do you manage to make such a bloody good lipstick pencil for six dollars???

I recently bought the Joe Fresh Beauty Matte Lip Crayon in Wine and migod, is this stuff ever good.

It's creamy, it's easy to apply, and the color is fantastic.

You can pair it with one of Joe Fresh's Matte lipsticks (I chose bordeaux) for the ultimate runway look.

Frig, I love when you can find good makeup, cheap.

"The best things in life are free...but you can leave them to the birds and bees...I want.."

Make Up For It!

2009-09-28T12:54:00.008-04:00

Oooooh, I love makeup lessons. I think I'm a makeup artist at heart, only without any skills or training...
Which is why these online tutorials are absolutely perfect for me!

Lauren Luke is the fad makeup artist of the moment, and was recently given her own makeup line as a result of her marvy YouTube videos.

My favourite look of the moment is the Angelina Jolie/Rihanna inspired cat-eye:

CLICK HERE TO VIEW

WARNING: Watching these videos may incite you to go out and drop $300 on makeup

Let's Grind!

2009-09-27T16:13:00.014-04:00

Ak! Ak!

It's bloody cold and rainy out today, and after developing an overwhelming (re)addiction to soy lattes during the film festival, I'm looking to have these suckers available to me at all times. Since I cannot steam milk with my mind I've gone researching a more viable alternative...

(note: It is not Starbucks' new instant coffee)

Cue the fashion-forward Fall coffee line:

This surprisingly affordable Cuisinart Espresso Maker (recently on sale for $199.99 at Canadian Tire) has nothing but good reviews:

I love its sleek stainless look, and bonus points for the slick cup rack along the top. A pally of mine bought it and loves it. So now you can rationalize that a 'friend of a friend of yours said it was great'.

Illy has a pretty rad space-age machine (and also some of the best coffee on the planet). But you deffo pay for the Illy name:

At $495, I'd find it hard to believe that I'd use this enough to make up for the cost or convenience of Starbucks not making it FOR me...

But, this single-serving coffee maker could possibly change a drip coffee- fan's life. Keurig's Breville at $249.00 takes you from zero to a hot cup of coffee in under 30 seconds! Their single-serving pods remind me of office jobs...but the variety is delicious and modern.

If you're not hot for espresso, but can't live without some frothy choccy, you might become best friends with the Nespresso Aeroccino Plus Stainless Steel Automatic Milk Frother, for about $100, from Williams Sonoma.

I believe I have now typed enough to earn a tall, soy, no-foam latte (with cinnamon topping)....in case you're wondering ;)

Baby Face

2009-08-12T11:51:00.008-04:00

hey, cheeks!

Are you finding that the summer beers, wings, and pizza are coming back to haunt you in newly chubby end-of-summer face?

Or maybe you're knocked up, comme moi, and are noticing your face rounding off a little more than you'd like for the time being (herumph). Luckily, I've done the homework for you, to find the surgery/diet-free solution to the Shirley Temples.

Remember when you were first reading about makeup when you were little (maybe it was just me), but they kept talking about contour and highlighting? I mean, artistically it makes sense, but I never really took it into consideration when doing my daily 5 minute makeup routine.

I'll break it down for you with this diagram:

Click to enlarge.

'WTF does that mean', are you asking? Well, resident ET Canada makeup artist Suzanne McKay has some tips on how to make it work for you . Turns out, it's a lot easier than you'd think. Makeup really is, everything.

Specifially:

"In addition to a rounder face, some women (later in pregnancy) find that their noses tend to widen. To counteract this, simply shade lightly a line on either side of the nose with bronzer or some other coloured powder product. (Remembering to go only one shade darker than your skin tone).

Also, under the chin/jaw line area as well....this will sharpen the rest of the face shape.

As for a highlight product, I prefer to use a foundation and going lighter with this could possibly look "cartoonish" when paired with the shading....be mindful and use a light hand when applying; you can always add more if necessary.

For shading, I typically use a matte bronzer best suited for the skin type....usually a yellow tone as the redder tones are not the best for most skin types. "

For me, a good way to remember where to put your bronzer (I use matte Bobbi Brown) is to draw a backwards C around your eye. Start at your sucked in cheekbone and carry it up to your temple on both sides. Then a dash on your chin and the bridge of your nose should do ya'.

Go try it out! Just don't go all crazy and come out looking like skeletor.

Katherine Holland and the Walk Harders

2009-08-12T11:44:00.005-04:00

Here is the first thing everyone in the world should learn how to play on the guitar.

Note to music stores: this should replace Knockin on Heaven's Door immediately. For everyone's sake.

"Dewey Cox And The Walk Harders - Walk Hard"

Intro: Bm D G A

Bm D G A
Walk Hard, hard down life's rocky road
Bm D G A
Walk Bold, hard At My creed my coal
D G D
I been sworn and slandered and ridiculed to
C Bm C
Suffered everyday my whole life through
D G D
Had my Share of the worse this world can give
F#5 F#5 F#5
But I Still got a dream and a burning rage to live
Bm D G A
Walk Hard, hard when they say your all done
Bm D G A
Walk Bold, hard though they say your not the one
D G D
Even if you been told time and time again
C Bm C
That your always gonna lose and your neva gonna win
D G D
Gotta keep that vision in your minds eye
F#5 F#5 F#5
When your standing on top of a mountain high

GUITAR SOLO- Same as Intro

D G A
You Know when i was a boy, people used to say to me

"Slow down Dewey, Don't Walk so hard"
And I used to tell them "I Walk As Damn Hard As I Please!"

how do I walk Boys?
(Hard)
D G D
When I meet my maker on my dying day
C Bm C
Gonna look him in the eye by God I'll say...

Cottage Cheese

2009-07-30T21:50:00.009-04:00

Hey babies,

I'm about to blow this pop-stand for a cottage'ing weekend in Muskoka. Boating, sexing, sleeping, reading, and sailor caps. There's six couples, and everyone has to cook at least one meal for everyone there. I personally have never cooked anything that served twelve, unless it was by accident, so I came up empty-handed...

Fortunately my bf whipped up a mad-stellar meatball recipe that we plan on firing on some hot, delicious Rigatoni. Because as we all know, you don't make friends with salad...

If you want to be a hit at your cottage I suggest you use the following ingredients to replicate his recipe:

* ground beef
* veal
* parm. cheese
* everything else that's good in the world

Also,Winners is selling those big ol' tubs of Margarita, Mojito, and Dacqueri mixes. They're under $10, and all you have to do is add water, booze, freeze, and BOOM- enough frosty drinks for 16. I'd say that's pretty high on your priority list right now. While you're there, don't forget to pick up some fierce Betsey Johnson flipflops for $24.99.

Now where can I find one of those gigantic lollipops?

Baby, Baby....

2009-07-28T18:13:00.004-04:00

This is the first song baby started kicking to...

how bloody appropriate.

If you're hat-ty and you know it...

2009-07-28T09:15:00.012-04:00

Okay, so I've been avoiding this for a while, but I think it's time you and I had a little talk.
Ladies...where the hell are your hats?

God, I love hats, and if you don't own at least one you quite literally and seriously have to go on Ebay right now, google 'vintage hats', and buy something feathered, pink, or leopard print. I mean, really. How do you live?
I will not accept answers such as: "hats don't look good on me", or "I have a big head". No, you are just lazy, and a bit boring. If you're in Toronto, then make a punch in your cottage'ing photos with an old captain's hat from Central Surplus on Yonge St, or possibly Kensington Market. For some reason people seem to look less drunk in sailor's hats. Use that to your benefit.

Go to the hat shop (I recommend Gadabout or Lilliput hats) armed with your head size as a guide. Measure the circumference on your head just above your ear, and then divide it by Pi (see math is good for something afterall).

All I need to know is that if you saw this hat at a store nearby you would buy it immediately. Also, wear this while listening to some Bob Dylan. And this is mandatory for all of your white undershirting days. I suggest you also add suspenders. And maybe not with a pregnant belly because I tried that the other day and I don't think it's humanly possible to look more white trash.

Listen, this is a serious issue. If you don't believe me, ask Vivienne Westwood. Her hats tore up London in February:

Get on it, bitches!
I am available for consults like: "does this hat make me look like I was in Lord of the Rings?", FYI: if you have to ask, the answer is yes.

Asian Woodstock

2009-07-27T13:06:00.009-04:00

Our foreign correspondent Kerri Strothard is living it up bohemian-style in Korea, and was gracious enough to fill us in on the biggest Hippyfest of her young life: Asian Woodstock.

Here she is....live from the Jisan Valley Rock Festival

So many lovely long dresses, so much sweating, so many beers, so so rockin. More than one person said to me: "kerri this concert is so you." I don't know what that means but I was having the time of my life.. so.. hoorah.

The line-up: Oasis, Weezer, Fall Out Boy, Jimmy Eat World, Jet, Basement Jaxx, Starsailor, Patti Smith, ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION, Priscilla Ahn, The Airborne Toxic Event, Dieselboy, Crash, Common Ground, Human Instinct, Pia, Windy City, Vassline, Straightener, Crying Nut, 요조, Deli Spice, 짙은, 장기하와 얼굴들, 이한철, 메이트, 언니네이발관, Vodka Rain, Dr. Core 911, 구남과여라이딩스텔라, 타카피, Johnny Royal, Rainy Sun, Copy Machine, 몽구스, 비둘기우유, 김창완 밴드, Apollo 18, Film Star and 불나방스타쏘세지클럽

Here are a few highlights from the two closest to my heart...

Patti Smith

Having slept in a norebang the night prior, beer for breakfast (and lunch) was in order, and before I knew it Patti Smith was up next. I kept hearing "with a piece of volcano" when she said "in a peaceable kingdom". Her set was dreamy and full of peace, and her stage banter was a trip back to what I imagine Woodstock might have sounded like: "people, use your minds for peace", "we don't need nuclear weapons and we don't need bombs", "find your brothers and sisters", "people, you are the future, and the future is now" and her closing remarks: "behold this (her guitar) is the only weapon we need in the great battle of fucking rock 'n roll!"

Oasis

I closed my eyes and swayed with the crowd during "Don't look back in anger", and listened as everyone sang the words and Liam Gallagher backed away from the microphone. They closed with a heavy cover of "I am the Walrus" (featuring a big set of "woos" from the crowd) and instead of an encore, there was a massive fireworks display illuminating the sky; (who in their right mind doesn't love fireworks?)

Other impressive surprises include "Windy City", "Priscilla Ahn" (who won over the crowd when she sang a korean folk song), "Jang Ki Ha and Faces" and when we saw Kim C from 2 Days 1 Night. I highly enjoyed my 2 days surrounded by mountains and music. bring on more sundresses, more water canons, more sunshine, and more rock.

500 Days of Good Music

2009-07-10T12:04:00.005-04:00

Okay, so I'm literally DYING to see 500 Days of Summer, but in the meantime, I will have to make do with downloading every song on the soundtrack.

Bloody, bloody good, my friend.
You probably already have a few of them, but together, they make sonic excellence.

The songs:

Regina Spektor - "Us"
The Smiths - "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out"
Belle & Sebastian - "The Boy With The Arab Strap"
Black Lips - "Bad Kids"
The Smiths - "Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want."
Patrick Swayze - "She's Like The Wind."
Jack Penate - "Have I Been a Fool? "
The Doves - "There Goes the Fear"
Hall & Oates - "You Make My Dreams"
Knight Rider Theme
Temper Trap - "Sweet Disposition"
Carla Bruni - "Quelqu'un M'a Dit"
Black Lips - "Veni, Vidi, Vici"
Paper Route - "The Music"
Feist - "Mushaboom"
Regina Spektor - "Hero"
Spoon - "Infinite Pet"
Simon & Garfunkel - "Bookends"
Wolfmother - "Vagabond"
Mumm-Rah - "She's Got You High"

Karaoke Selections:
Poison "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" ***I can play this on guitar!!!
Nancy Sinatra/Lee Hazlewood as performed by Zooey Deschanel "Sugar Town" ***I also ALWAYS sing Nancy Sinatra at Karaoke. These Boots is my song.
The Pixies "Here Comes Your Man" **mandatory own/love/play

For Director Marc Webb's explanation on why he chose the songs he did, please hit up The Playlist.

Beach Bums

2009-07-10T10:34:00.018-04:00

Hallo lay-dies..

If you don't have a soft spot for retro bathing suits, you shouldn't be reading this blog.

I am particularly in lurve with the ones at MyBabyJo and ModCloth.

I bought this leopard-print onesie in L.A.'s My Baby Jo for $72.00 and wore it to the bahamas last year (complete with clip-in silk flower in hair- a-thank you very much).

And this year's obsession is this marvy $124.99 sailor number. Bonus points for having an open back for ventilation on hot loungers. Double bonus points for have a wonder woman red band around the tummy for ferocity.

Top it off with a touch of Kim D'Eon's must-have lipstick. M.A.C.'s lipglass in Pink Lemonade. She insists it goes with everything; I insist on proving her right. I think it's particularly good for people who look good in cool tones. At $13.99 you won't have to feel quite as guilty as buying the 34$ Armani lipstick counterpart in #11.

And of course, we can never forget the tresses. My mom is obsessed with this new schtuff called Moroccan Oil. Maybe not new? Who knows...alls I knows is that she called me specifically to tell me to buy it "OMG I saw it on CityLine, and tried it and OMG you have no idea how great my hair looks- even the second day!". That is a review for you. Plus she has bad cosmetic allergies comme moi, lors c'est tres exciting. From what I can gather in reading the ingredients it appears to be sulphate free, and only have a light fragrance additive. Start with the original oil version, then move up to their styling products if you dig it...
They're selling it at Concepts and Trade Secrets for sure, and the small oil is $14.99.

It'll give you hair a-la Slave For You Britney.

Now, I recommend you go rent a kayak down by the Toronto Islands and paddle away in the sunshine with your newly sexed-up bod.

The Real Way Billy Mays Died

2009-07-10T10:10:00.007-04:00

Couch Airbag Explosion Surprise - Watch more Funny Videos

Swap Shop

2009-07-03T15:36:00.002-04:00

How much do I love 69 Vintage? Let me count the ways...

First off, I recently purged a good deal of my wardrobe when I moved, and fortunately (for everyone involved) I have a few vintage pieces that just didn't really work for me. Wrong color, too tight, too loose, too crazy aunt'ish...you know...
I was going to Goodwill 'em, but then I thought I'd drop them off to my local vintage shoppe so they could make some money off of my discarded treasures.

Well, she checked out some of my stuff (vintage summer dresses, a white turban hat, a vest, black strapless cocktail dress, a Marilyn-style evening dress, etc..) and to my surprise, allowed me to choose new things from the store to replace them! So not only did I get rid of some tired dresses that had just sat too long, but I also managed to fill their places free of charge!

I am the proud new owner of a blue and red plaid poncho-styled shirt (perfect for over bikinis!), a maxi-length sheer white dress with lace embellishment and matching hippie belt, a rad motorcycle belt, and a new navy messenger style hat. Hello, score.

Vintage By the Pound holds a monthly clothing swap, for more information contact Irene Stickney at 416.516.1234 for details.

Tip: Make a new friend your is approximately the same size as you!

Will post pics shortly. In the meantime, there is Shepherd's Pie that needs to be made.

Happy Swapping!

Love Scratches

2009-06-30T10:53:00.015-04:00

If there's something I love taking pictures of more than anything, it's love scratches around Toronto. There is no shortage of people feeling the love (or pain), and wanting to scream it from the rooftops...

These make my day, everyday...

Yarns experiments, hand-made valentines, and nihilistic love skeletons....

Don't google your ex...sound advice. But may I add to that - google YOURSELF like, a lot.

I am naked half-Batman..

Yves Klein Blue = party time

2009-06-29T20:16:00.000-04:00

Sugar Fags...

2009-06-29T19:12:00.007-04:00

From Wikipedia (yes, I Wiki'd it)

Candy cigarettes (sometimes called sugar fags in the United Kingdom) is a candy introduced in the early 19th century made out of chalky sugar, bubblegum or chocolate, wrapped in paper as to resemble cigarettes. Their place on the market has long been controversial because many critics believe the candy desensitizes children, leading them to become smokers later in life. Because of this, the selling of candy cigarettes has been banned in several countries such as Finland, Norway, the Republic of Ireland and Saudi Arabia.

In the United States a ban was considered in 1970 and again in 1991, but was not passed into federal law. The U.S. state of North Dakota enacted a ban on candy cigarettes from 1953 until 1967. In Canada federal law prohibits candy cigarette branding that resembles real cigarette branding and the territory of Nunavut has banned all products that resemble cigarettes.

Candy cigarettes continue to be manufactured and consumed in many parts of the world. However, many manufacturers now describe their products as candy sticks, bubble gum, or candy.

So this is why our candy cigarettes look so lame here???

Stop sucking the fun out of my fake-smoking...

Sincerely, the Gazette

Life Fail

2009-06-29T19:05:00.002-04:00

Gadabout and Smell Summer!

2009-06-29T17:07:00.014-04:00

Operation: Gross is in full effect in Parkdale, as the garbage strike proves that Parkdale can always smell worse...

If they won't even garbage-pick in Parkdale anymore, you know you've got a problem...

However, the pigeons and coons are thriving, Which makes me a happy kitten, because the wee coons always come and play on our deck at night and the pigeons coo us awake in the morning.

Oh mang did you EVER miss out this weekend, peeps.

Gadabout had a mondously huge shoe sale where all of their gorgeous vintage stilettos were up for grabs for 10 dollars a-piece. Their massive inventory (one room for each shoe size!) had to be dwindled as they prepare to move to a new space next door, and for that, their loyal customers are rewarded. Gadabout is known for renting out their gorgeous selection to period films shot in Toronto (think the entire Cinderella Man wardrobe), and to big-timey stylists who need something gorgeous for a photoshoot.

I picked up these foxy ditties for 10 dollars each. Many thanks to my friend Barbie for her encouragement and supervision (having raided them the day before).

The ones in the middle are my favourite, however they were also used in a Leah Miller photoshoot for UMM Magazine. (They will be forgiven). They need a bit of a clean-up, so they'll be going to Novelty Shoe Rebuilders for a tune-up. They make ANY pair look good as new...(also, vintage Chanel purses...eek).

Ooh, and Sparkles....

Remember, no matter how fat you get, shoes will always fit.
There, I just rationalized every shoe purchase you will ever make.

Yours in shews and stink,

Hollandsauce

Half-Baked

2009-06-29T10:36:00.003-04:00

Stoned Wallabies creating crop circles

Wallabies have been creating crop circles in Australia after getting as "high as a kite" from eating legally grown opium poppy fields.

From Telegraph.co.uk

Published: 8:46AM BST 26 Jun 2009

Wallabies have been creating crop circles in Australia after getting high from eating legally grown opium poppy fields
Photo: AP

The marsupials have been breaking into fields in Tasmania, the world's largest producer of legally grown opium for the pharmaceutical market.

Lara Giddings, the Tasmanian attorney general, said: "We have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles.

"Then they crash. We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high."

A manager for one of then companies licensed to take medicinal products from poppy straw said other animals that ate the poppies were also known to "act weird".

Rick Rockliff, Tasmanian Alkaloids field operations manager, said: "There have been many stories about sheep that have eaten some of the poppies after harvesting and they all walk around in circles."

My Milkshake...

2009-06-25T10:10:00.016-04:00

There's one thing that makes the world go 'round...Breasts.

You want 'em, you have 'em, you love 'em, you don't, you want less, you want more, you want them higher or tighter, rounder or sounder, but regardless, we never grow tired of talking about them. (I'm no exception).

Nothing will make you realize just how much breasts affect our everyday lives like growing a pair. I've always had average sized tits, a nice firm B. B for buttons stay closed, minimal bouncing, and no related back-ache. But thanks to raging hormones, I'm starting to give Jennifer Love Hewitt a run for her money (or support bra).

Result: complete 180

Now, I know men love tits, but I never knew HOW much men loved tits.
Answer: a lot

Why did I ever bother with self-tanners, teeth whitenings, perfumes and yoga classes to feel good, when all I had to do was strap on a WonderBra? It never even occurred to me. And let me be clear, I am by no means advocating not loving what you've got, I always have and always will, regardless, and no man will ever change that, but these bouncing chest accessories control much more than I could have imagined. They are, quite literally, funbags.

Of course I am not saying that all men judge a woman by her breast size, or that women are in any way defined by them, but there is undoubtedly a fascination with a woman with a big rack. Maybe I'm new, maybe everyone knew this. For me, a cute, fit woman, comfortable with her body will always be sexy, but a cute, fit woman who is comfortable with her D breasts will get 2 extra minutes in an interview.

And what do D tits do that A's don't? You grab 'em...bounce 'em...pierce 'em, or nurse with them, that's about it. There's no big dick comparison, because a big dick PHYSICALLY changes a sexual experience, whereas big breasts are absolutely useless. Am I wrong?

Breast enlargement surgery isn't going away anytime soon, and although I'm fairly certain that's not something I would ever consider, I can absolutely understand it. Women want their breasts to stay put, to be tight, reliable accessories, that come through for them when they need 'em.

So I'm not going to judge that...people do much worse things to themselves and yield absolutely no personal benefit.

But the sheer amount of women having this done is still quite boggling to me.

So does this mean that big breasts are well, big breasts? Regardless of whether they're real or fake, hard or soft, bigger is still always better? Scarlet Johansen and Salma Hayek are just as famous for their breasts as Pamela Anderson or Victoria Beckham.

I guess this is just one of the many differences between men and women. And as hard as I try, I just don't get it.

But, that doesn't mean these puppies won't be getting MAXIMUM exposure this summer...

My boyfriend thanks me in advance.

Maternity Madness!

2009-06-22T10:37:00.013-04:00

Summer has arrived, and with it, belly's exploding as far as the eye can see. With perfect patio parties prime for the picking, plump'ing waistlines are no excuse for parting with pride.

No, you don't fit in your old jeans anymore.

Tip 1: Go hippy or go home

Take your fierce new tits for for a stroll in some of this season's sexiest ditties. Hippy never goes out, so take it to the next level. Think over-sized, white semi-sheer. H&M and Zara are great starting places, with reasonable prices, and a total mother-earth feel.

Maxi-dresses are always incredible, but make sure you get them in a breathable fabric (no vintage polyester), because you're going to be feeling hot as it is..hint: Aritzia!

Tip 2: Look pregnant, not fat.

While you're at Aritzia checking out the maxi's....grab one of their over-sized plaid shirts and pair it with stretch pants. The combo is fab, because it makes you look hot and pregnant, not fat. Must accessorize with a hat, because that is what Blossom would do. I firmly believe that mommies in waiting should wear skinny pants.

Tip 3: Comfy = happy

Gladiator sandals will give your swollen feets a bit of a rest from the Leboutin's. Capezio has the perfect solution in an $89 black rock number. A golden counterpart would surely go with all of your new moomoos, but I'll take the black, because I love an excuse to buy more shoes.

Tip 4: Get creative

And, as a tip, friends don't buy friends onesies that say stupid things like 'iPood'. No matter how funny you may find it...for 5 minutes. Instead, opt for custom Playdead. Toronto locals love the saucy line, whose Fashion Week buzz grows every year. Another online fav is Rock the Crib. BABY BLOOMERS!

And for the daring dollies, one of my all-time favourite preggo-looks is jeans (that fit), with studded black cowboy boots and belt, topped with a gorgeous white tuxedo shirt, belly peeking out. Mother of rock. For the truly daring, try it with euroboobs.

Tip 5: Don't cut your hair.
Just, don't. More times than not it'll make your face look rounder than it is. Enjoy the the newfound 80's oomph, thanks to those raging hormones.

Belly owt.

Imperial Drag

2009-06-22T09:49:00.014-04:00

Big BIG find of the year. For all things eclectic, vintage, one-of-a-kind, and down right rad, check out Bona Drag.

My absolute must-haves include (pretty much everything in the flair section), but with great emphasis on this silver hummingbird skull necklace for $80, and the chain ring, for $336.

Studded ballet slippers will pop some hop in your step; while hot summer weekends get a little extra oomph with some retro lingerie and bonbons...

Oui monsieur...oui.

Key to your... (here's where I try not to say vagina)

2009-05-17T08:48:00.012-04:00

Keys baby! They're all the rage right now!

I got a pretty swell one at a vintage shop in Toronto, and since then I've seen them pop up just about everywhere.

But Tiffany's has taken them to a whole new level...

This vintage oval one is pretty foxy at $250.00.

And here's the diamond-encrusted counterpart.

At prices ranging from $150.00-12K, they may become the key to your bank account, instead.

Tanning Hides

2009-05-15T19:12:00.010-04:00

I feel it's very important that in society (my society) "that's what she said" has now evolved into "that's what YOUR MOM said", and thus comedic brilliance is born.
Expect it to be over-used on the blog. Stat.

There seems to be a skeet-splosion in the backyard this year. I don't ever remember there being so many of the little biting bastards, especially in Toronto. And because my blood is sweet and delicious, I am the only one who is ever bitten. So I'm the bito-chondriac, when is comes to blood suckers. If the boyfriend needs a little alone time outside all he has to say is "BUGS" and I'm in for good. So maybe there isn't more bugs this year afterall?
Quite clever, he is...

But my legs aren't missing the outdoorsy gorgey tan, because I have hit the motherload when it comes to self-tanners, thanks to Ms. Cheryl Hickey.

The chic-tip of the day is Vaseline's Healthy Body Glow. Now, please keep in mind that I went to 8 Shoppers Drug Marts, 1 Walmart, and 2 Sobey's to find this product.....but I finally did (muffin basket to Sobey's!). So you may have a bit of difficulty, but you can buy it off the internets easily enough.

It goes on thick, it dries fast, and it doesn't smell as putrid as some of the other (see Jergens gradual tanning product). But the real geniousity happens in the application. As it's a gradual tanner, it only develops a bit everyday, so if you eff up your application one day, it won't show. No streaks, nice brown color in about 5 days. And as a heads-up, the mucho expensive competition, I'Oreal's Sublime Bronze Airbrush Tanning Mist sucks it hard (that's what your mom said). (ps. that one didn't really work). Streak-city, and it looked like I rolled in dirt after only my first application.

I won't show you the bottom of my feet because that is a crime against beauty.

But I will show you where you can get amazing reproductions of classic rock-tees in super-soft cotton, minus the '70's B.O, plus a heft price tag.
This ditty worn by Debbie Harry goes for fifty bones.

Worth it? Probably...but I bet Kerri can find it for 5...

kisses kittens,

Observations of easterly descent:

2009-05-08T09:53:00.006-04:00

-"Wheel of Fortune" is glorified Hangman
-"jammies" rivals "potluck" for my least favourite English word
-If someone says "Can I kiss you first?" the answer is "Yes."
-If you are worried about x, x probably doesn't matter to Michael Cera
-Babies know when you mistake them for the wrong sex ("Oh he's sooo cute! ..er, she!")
-Puking on the street is a right of passage
-Men who know how to salsa generally also know how to cha-cha

-If someone spits in your hand, they will also spit in your mouth
-Gloria is not a name reserved for women, and neither is Nicole
-Upper arm tattoos are sexy when you didn't know they were there
-Losing your shoes is a sign of a good night
-Jinxing the name "Doug Gilmour" is more common than you think (circa 1995) -International drunk texts are a necessary part of travel
-Being accidentally naked in public places is okay if you don't really know how it happened that you were naked

Keep tapping away kitties... next comes animal noises!

-xo your foreign correspondent

Love Hurts

2009-03-15T20:48:00.010-04:00

I had the pleasure of checking out some new additions to the Cartier line for the ribbon-cutting of their new location on Bloor St. W (in the old Mappins/Lacoste spot), and had a total Breakfast at Tiffany's moment. (Note: this was not in fact at Tiffany's, but as previously mentioned, at Cartier...so..Breakfast at Cartier's..?)

Things that were awesome:

1.) The place is huge, right down the street from Holts, and great for mid-day lusting
2.) They let me try on $123.000.00 rings

3.) They have a new perfume called Roadster that is quite nice for the gentlemanly men in your life, and priced at $100.00 (See: Honey! I got you something from Cartier!!) Half-psych.

4.) The women who work there are totally nice, and also totally great at their jobs because they make you think that paying an annual salary for a bracelet is not only what you 'deserve', but is also 'normal'. Dreamworld.

5.) You will probably run into celebrities if you go in the morning. If that's your bag. Bay-bee. (I was expecting nothing less than Elisabeth Taylor, thus, I was left broken-hearted).

6.) This ring, from the Love Collection. It's only (ha!) $800.00, and fit my pinky finger perfectly.

For all the moms out there with mondo money (which is a great name for a blog!), there are some sparkley additions to the Trinity Collection. Which is apparently kind of a big deal.

Fancy Pants:
TAG Kerri, you're it.
- Holland Sauce

Pass'd and Future

2009-03-11T18:22:00.012-04:00

Hallo fashion lahvahs,

LG Fashion Week starts on Monday, so to get myself in the mood I ran on over to The Intercontinental Hotel t'day to grab my Media Access Pass, and my very first swag bag!

HEY'S luggage, check. New sulphate-free shampoo and conditioner, lippy, self-tanner, leggings, fishnets, spicy candy...check, check, check!!!

I'm 'showin love' alright! I love free stuff. I can't lie.

I heard a lot of chatter about 'no one is showing for the March Fashion Week...it's a dying event...blah blah', but hell, there's a TON going on!

First and foremost, David Dixon's Barbie Show; it's Barbie's 50th anniversary, and she's taking over the runway. I already live in a dreamworld, so why not a dreamhouse, with a dream wardrobe? I adore these chairs from the Barbie collection, and can't wait for the new Barbie store to open on Queen St. W.

Other notables include an exclusive screening of Valentino: The Last Emperor, the Women X Women photography exhibit, and a collection from my personal favourite Project Runway graduate, Carlie Wong (sorry Evan).

My god, what am I going to wear for the Barbie after-party...

- Holland Sauce

2009-03-11T08:47:00.014-04:00

Welcome all to the lone life of a foreign correspondent... as you read, please remember that patience and a sense of smell are virtues.
So, in search of the mythical Korean vintage market, we walked through dampened hallways cluttered with old ladies selling boiled intestines before we found the tiny sign leading us upstairs. Unbeknownst to us, we were entering a kind of patterned heaven. Floor to ceiling clothes-for-the-buying.
With no windows and no ventilation, this place might never have seen the light of day. Mothballs aside, I stayed for hours.
The first item I enquired about was a skirt made of at least six different fabrics layered together, and it was $2. Next was a ruffly white shirt with adorable little holes in a pattern, $4. Belt made of lace and coconut? $6.
I have a feeling the turnover is high, too, as the place was full of hot young Koreans snatching jean jackets to complete matching his and hers cowboy outfits.

To root through the piles of patterned sweaters and find a pair of long lace gloves at the bottom seems more rewarding than finding them on a rack. Also paying $3 for them is nice.

I got light-headed from the lack of oxygen (which might be directly related to the low prices, as it is possible the effects of a global economy don't enter into this frozen bubble of clothes out of garbage bags), so we made our final purchases and descended back into the real world.
It only seemed right that as we finished shopping we ate kimchi pancakes and drank soju with the old intestine ladies.
Cheers to cheapo vintage!
xo - the foreign correspondent

Things that are fun:

2009-03-11T01:28:00.000-04:00

Follow a fruitful convo with Kerri, we have decided that the super fun thing of the day is the following:

* Googling verbs and adjectives and seeing what weird shit comes up in google images

(this most likely came on the heels of the much-repeated facebook/myspace/forwards idear where you google your name and "needs" and see what comes up...)

Katherine's first 10 needs as dictated by Google

"katherine needs": some rules to follow. discussion. help. prayer. to come home. A ride for 1 to St. Cloud. tourism focus. A loan of 400 soles. Another cocktail. A manicure.

Wow- morbid, and mostly true! Especially the bit about the cocktails and soles. You can never have too much rubber...or vodka.

PS. My adjective of the day was flighty and it came up with this gem.

- Holland Sauce

Introducing: CG's Foreign Correspondent

2009-03-10T23:47:00.001-04:00

Hi kids! Do you like Primus?

She'll lift your skirt, cock an eyebrow, and raise you a drag!

This french toker knows what makes the world move and shake, and takes her camera where no gazetter has been before...it's the infamous Kerri Strothard.

While Katherine Holland suffocates the idiosyncrasies of the Western front, Kerri mates with the sluttier, but more repressed, Eastern neighbour.

When East meets West, there's no telling where this blog will go.

To cupcakes, vintage marts, and beyond...

- Holland Sauce

You put your left shoe in, you put your left shoe out..

2009-03-10T22:39:00.002-04:00

One good shoe deserves another...

Everytime I see a lone shoe I wonder where its mate is! How did they get separated? Who is walking around with only one shoe on? How drunk do you have to be to walk home with only one shoe on - in Toronto!? There is glass and condoms and needles, and mud, and puke, and a bevy of things that a person should probably not get on their feet. which is why we should thank the shoe gods daily.

When I posed the question to my friend Joel, he said that he thinks the majority of singular shoes are from car crashes (which is sad), and that he had a friend in news that used to carry a pair of shoes around with him to leave at crime scenes to get grim footage.

What is your explanation?

I believe the first picture is the result of someone breaking a leg while breakdance fighting (please note it is outside ArtScape, therefore it was clearly an arty endeavor), and the second was used as a projectile in a bum fight.

- Holland Sauce

Break the Seal...

2007-09-04T12:44:00.000-04:00

G'mornin fellow friendlies,

After many beers, I'm finally breaking the literary (and urinary) seal.
The Cigarette Gazette has begun, and with it my web notoriety.
Ten years behind the mark, I have begun.

I'll try and fill you in with as much as I can, and post anything that makes me giggle. The old school handwritten diary has about an inch of dust on it, so here's to expression *cheers' herself*
September is coming, the generations 'new' new year. School will be starting (8 months til I'm done forev-ah), media contracts re-negotiated, fall breezes... how depressing. September means corduroy, planting the seeds of the 'I don't want to spend Christmas alone!' romance, and new teevee shows.

Stop. We're only in August. I'm a compulsive 'live in the future'er....'. Let's talk today. It's hot as fuck. Actually, it's TOO hot to fuck. 43 degrees out, and my wee un-AC'd apartment is suffering. Mandatory fan-age. I feel like the Queen.

Found a new chat outside Amanda's place the other day. She's teeny tiny, black, and full of babies. I have no idea how to raise kittens!

What if I forget one and she dies because there's a dead baby inside? Just missed her first vet appointment. What a bad aunt I will be. Must reschedule to find out how many babies I have to give away.

I'm already giving away her babies, and they're not even born. Bad aunt stamp #2.

Started work on a new painting.

Update, here it is as a finished thing:

He's a bit of a fox.

Here's one of my all-time favourite things I found on the internets...and there is nothing better to christen the blog with, than it:
http://www.vimeo.com/173714

Me and Amanda have plans to recreate it's fabulosity.

Enjoy kittens,